I AGREE WITH CHARLIE SHEEN… KINDA

So this past week, I attended a local FAIRA Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous meeting!  (There are not Food Addicts Anonymous or FAA meetings in my state but the belief systems are the same) Let me just tell you about that experience…  I was nervous but optimistic.  Heck, to be honest I was excited. 

The meeting started with one of the members reading from a binder.  She started with a prayer, introduction, traditions and guidelines of the program.  Right away something hit me as odd.  On the FAIRA website that the meetings were based on the AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) structure of the 12 steps.  This was fine, but as the member continued to read she did not change the words from Alcoholic to Food Addict.  In the following, I learned why.  Come to find out the words would not be changed in order to keep the integrity of the original 12 ste program.   I have to be honest, this bugged me.  It wasn’t that I thought I was better than an alcoholic or different because were both addicts, but for me it just sounded lazy. 

Not long after my first surprise, there was another.  In this program the addict is addicted to  flour and sugar, so this is what I must stay away from in order to be a successful member.  I was like, HOLD ON!! WAIT A MINUTE!! Did she just say no sugar OR flour?.  Before you nail me with information on why flour and sugar are the most likely culprits of causing obesity… you’re right.  I won’t argue with that.  The thing that I can’t believe is that you would literally pick 2 things from a larger problem and call it a day?!  Even the HUGELY successful Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig programs allow you to eat these things in moderation.  It’s food, not crack or a bottle of scotch. 

You see I feel that the 12 step program is to overcome specific addiction.  Most addicts are using a substance that isn’t naturally a part of human survival, but food is different.  There are definitely similarities in the make up of the emotions and actions of any addict.  My problem is that I don’t feel that you can’t just lump it all together.  Alcoholics can avoid certain situations,  I can’t just not hang out with people who “eat”.  My addiction is in a world where everyone is a user!   Plus, come on!  I’m a runner, and a COOK!  How the heck am I going to NOT eat ANY sugar or flour?  I need the GOOD carbs!

WINNING!

The FAA and FAIRA programs, in my opinion have some huge flaws.  I think they saw an issue and thought “Hey we can hit this relatively cheaply”.  Change a couple of words, hit a couple of hot topics and Voila!  The entire time I couldn’t help but think about Charlie Sheen’s recent interviews and how he bashed the AA program and it’s 12 steps… lol  I can’t believe I’m saying this, but for my situation,he made sense.  I haven’t given up that there is something out there for me, but I know that whatever it is it has to work for me.  There isn’t any “one size fits all” solution out there, so that means you have to work to find the right program for you.  I don’t want to be an addict, I want to be normal.  I want to be healthy and I want to be happy!  So until then I’m going to focus on”WINNING!”

PS- Just want to make a shout out to Charlie and wish him all the best with his recovery.

I AM WHO I AM

Painted this myself when those yoplait yogurt commericals came out with a woman wanting to fit in to her Yella Polka Dot bikini.

I am who I am.  Those words have been eternally frustrating for me.   In my life I have had some amazing experiences and to tell you the truth I am a pretty lucky girl.  I don’t feel sorry for myself or think I’m a victim, these memoirs are not about any of that.

I am sharing my experiences with you because I want to know I’m not alone… I want that person out there who is reading this that can relate to something I said to know they’re not alone.  I have always had an intense need for people to understand me.  I’ve  always  wanted to share myself, so I was naturally attracted to the arts.  I love to draw, paint, sculpt, write, act, sing, dance (I can’t sing or dance but I like to do them-in private! lol) and most recently cooking! **BTW I think cooking is the ultimate art because; you can experience it with every sense and it can also bring emotion with a single bite.  Food gives life, food brings people no matter their background together. 

How can I be addicted to food and love it so much?  Well it’s a delicate situation to say the least.  I do love all types, from fast foods to gourmet cuisine.  It’s the relationship that I’ve had to battle… not the love.  I used to think of food as a back-stabbing best friend but now, I see it differently. 

As I began to learn more about nutrition and healthy cooking, I was inspired to work out.  It took a year of training, but last November I completed the ING NYC Marathon!  It was an amazing experience to cross that finish line, and I didn’t do it alone.  People from everywhere seemed to believe in me… which led to me finally believing in myself!  I have never felt more love and support in my life.

At the start of my training for NY, I hoped to accomplish a weight loss goal and looked forward to seeing the new me.  By the end of 6 months of intensive training I had lost about 20 total inches but not one pound.  Near the middle of training I had actually gained about 10 lbs. During a training run, one of my pace coaches asked how I was doing.  This day was a hard run because I was really worried and discourage by the weight gain.  I mentioned that I was upset and she  looked at me and asked, “Sophia, do you want to lose weight or do you want to run a marathon?” 

Good question right?, because I wanted to run a motha freakin marathon!!

I was holding my success in the pounds I lost and not the experience of completing the 26.2 miles of running a marathon.  I was so obsessed with showing people (including myself) the outer beauty, that I was ignoring the inner beauty there was to be gained.  It was a wake up call, and from that moment on I don’t measure my self-worth by a number on a scale or in my pants… I measure my success in experiences.  I try not to let my weight hold me back.

I’m not perfect, there are still times when I worry about my what I look like… but not as much as in the past.  I want to learn to love myself for all that I am and all that I am not.  After all… I am who I am, right? You are who you are, so take some time to look in that mirror and learn to love that mug.  Get naked in front of the mirror and love that body!   Love yourself for all that you are and all that you are not.  Forget your BMI!  What’s your self-worth?